[Evelyn paces. She leans against the jamb. She is seconds away from seating herself on the floor just outside his door when he opens it, startling her. Hand fluttering to her locket anxiously Evelyn watches him through the crack, sees the way his eyes dart around her, rather than at her.
An honest mistake. Perhaps, but she wishes he had made a mistake with her.]
I can't.
[She finally manages, when he allows her to get a word in edgewise.]
I can't forget about it.
[Feeling vulnerable and raw, too bare standing in the hallway while he remains protected - every staunch English part of her begging for privacy that he will not grant her - Evelyn folds her arms over her chest, turns a little, poised to pace once more. Finally, after a long moment of deliberation, she shakes her head and lowers her voice.]
I can't forget about it because I've wanted it for weeks, Joel. For months. I've- I've wanted you since- I don't remember when.
[ Of course she can't. Selfish of him to ask, to think she could dismiss what he'd done so easily. That they could act like it had never happened. Joel drops his head in shame, staring sightlessly at the floor.
He's so busy internally beating himself up, trying to think of some apology that doesn't fall ten miles shy of the mark, that he barely hears what she says next. Much less manages to comprehend it. ]
...what?
[ Slowly, he lifts his head, gazing at her in astonishment and disbelief. ]
[Having already confessed Evelyn suddenly looks severely annoyed with him, cross that he would make her say it again while she is standing out here in the hall like some sort of unwanted Christmas caroler.]
Don't-
[Evelyn steps closer, as much as she can manage while he has her sequestered, trying to maintain serious eye contact and shifting with a brief glance down the corridor. Her voice lowers.]
...please. Let me in. I don't want to talk about it like this.
[ He doesn't want to. Unable, still, to grasp what she's telling him, to believe it, he wants nothing more then to shut the door, to berate himself away from those wide, troubled eyes.
But he knows Evelyn too well. Even if he turns her away now, she won't leave. He won't get a moment's peace until he talks to her.
Wordlessly, he steps back, looking away in shame again as he opens the door just wide enough to let her in. ]
[Evelyn moves swiftly, before he is able to change his mind, slipping between the jamb and the door, and him, into his rooms. She hasn't yet been here herself - or perhaps "she" was, once, last night for an extended period of time - but the decor is simple, the polar opposite of ostentatious. Similarly Joel is a simple man with simple needs, and a few steps down the corridor she stops, turning, to look at him.]
I've imagined it. You coming to me.
[He isn't making eye contact and she doesn't force him to do so.]
Not in the same way that you did, but with intent and purpose still. I've thought about it this past year and never knew if you- if you felt the same, or if you ever would.
[ Joel keeps his eyes on the ground as she speaks, brow furrowed as he slowly starts to put the pieces together. He shuts the door behind her, turning and following her down the hall. ]
You have, huh.
[ He lifts his eyes, finally, gaze still hooded and wary, but looking at her. ]
[She says, emphasised with something more sigh than exclamation. Joel's lack of surety is understandable, save for the fact he spent the evening with her - another her. Something he considered so believable then, clearly, and much less so now. Is it the disappointment that restrains him at present? The fear?]
All this- bloody time, Joel, and I cannot say that I'm not disappointed it wasn't me.
[Too often her Mirror has crossed to their side to sow doubt and reap the benefits from those who are looking for succor, or hold affections for her. It only just happened that this time her double got to the man she wanted first. Quieter,]
[ He'd believed it then, despite himself. It's not that it had been easy then, either. He'd suspected some kind of catch - a hallucination based on his deepest desires, perhaps, the mansion offering up what he wanted most only to snatch it away again, or turn it on its head.
In the end, he'd decided the reward was worth whatever risk came with it. Worth it, if only for a night, if only to prevent himself from lying awake deep into the night, thinking of what he'd missed out on.
But she hadn't turned into a monster and ripped his throat out at the moment of climax, hadn't turned to mist and slipped from his grasp. She'd been real, and alive, and it had been good...until the next morning. Until he'd gone into the library and Evie had looked at him in confusion and blank incomprehension.
And then she'd followed him. All the way back here, to make some...some love confession. All this time. All this time, and he'd never guessed.
He nods, and steps closer, gaze inscrutable as he searches her face. ]
Well, it's you now. You an' me. But let's get one thing straight first.
[ And in a flash, he has her up against the wall, hand at her throat, lifting her off her feet as he chokes her. ]
That's all you get. You can fuck with me all you want. Lie to me, seduce me. Kill me, I don't care.
But you leave her the fuck outta this. You hear? No more pretendin'. No more playin' at innocence. She ain't done nothin' to you, and if you do anything to hurt her just one more time, one more, I'll kill you myself. You understand?
[ His eyes are hard flint now, glaring intently. This is the Joel who'd twisted a knife into a man's kneecap before snapping his neck, who'd pistol-whipped another and shot his balls off before even giving him a chance to give him the information he'd asked for.
[Waiting for an answer feels like forever, staring up at Joel in something altogether too similar to discomfort. A lack of real standing. Complete ignorance. How had she not realised it sooner, that he had eyes for her? Was he so subtle as to not be noticed, even when she made her best attempts at flirting? Was he aware, and chose to withhold affections until the opportune time?
Her heart climbing up into her mouth in anxiety Evelyn hopes against hope as he steps into her atmosphere again and his heat is almost smothering. The hands that fidgeted so uselessly before her don't have the chance to reach for him when he suddenly reaches for her.
Evelyn's head slams against the plaster and the fingers she had wanted so desperately to hold in her own wrap around her throat tightly, sliding her bodily up the wall while she clutches at his wrist for dear life. In her eyes there is nothing but shock - fear, betrayal - while her mouth works soundlessly to speak, his grip squeezing the air from her lungs.]
Jo-
[She scrabbles more frantically, nails digging into the forearm that might as well be solid steel and Evelyn cannot draw a breath for the wheezing, barely hearing his words but understanding the venom behind them.
Why?
Her feet kick uselessly and something shifts with a cartilage crunch in her neck and Evelyn wonders if this is what it feels like to be hanged, staring at him-
Why?
-the well of a tear preparing to streak down her cheek.]
[ She struggles against him, but it's the struggle of a creature trapped, fighting for its life. No vicious kicks to his shins, no eyes glaring daggers at him, no choked-out vows of revenge. Her eyes are wide and shocked and scared, lost and confused, and they never leave his.
A tear threatens to spill down her cheek, her hand grasping uselessly at his wrist, and something catches his eye. A shape on her wrist, a star in a circle of flame.
A tattoo. One that hadn't been on the wrist of the women he'd been with the night before.
He loosens his grip, staring in shock. ]
Evie?
[ His eyes wide with dawning horror, he looks back at her, dropping to his knees alongside her as he pulls his hand back and she slumps to the ground. ]
[He doesn't know but the fact doesn't make her any less scared, certain with the greying edges of her vision that she might just lose consciousness until he suddenly drops her. Evelyn's legs crumple beneath her and she takes a choked, gasping breath, slumped against the wall with her eyes half-lidded, fingers fumbling protectively for her throat.
Breathing shallowly her chin dips toward the ground and her hand shakes as it flutters to the sore mark up under her jaw, red and already turning purple. Joel she barely registers, too concerned with trying to get precious oxygen back inside her, shuddering on the floor.]
[ Shit, shit, shit, shit. Joel crouches over her, fighting back panic. If she dies now...
No. She can't die. If she does, he'll fucking kill himself. ]
I - I'm sorry - Evie, c'mon, honey.
[ With shaking hands he catches her before her head can hit the floor, pulling her half into his lap and rubbing uselessly at her arms, pushing her hair back from her face. ]
I'm sorry - Evie, please, just - just c'mon now, just breathe, please -
[The lack of careful, deliberate breathing isn't for lack of trying: Evelyn's first inhales and exhales are shallow, scratchy, the adrenaline gradually slowing the more she gets into her system, the more she lets herself recover. Eyes fluttered shut Evelyn waits for the pulse of her heartbeat to ease, distantly feeling Joel pull her against him, callused fingers pushing back her hair.
A minute or two of just breathing, quietly, while the world spins back to solid ground and her throat's only protest is that it aches, a dull throb in the back of her mind. Her head lolls to one side and she opens her eyes again, getting an eyeful of Joel's bearded jaw, his terrified face.
Serves him bloody right.
Evelyn reaches up with a shaky hand, slipping her fingers over the cheek closest to her, rough hair and angular features. For a moment she lets it sit, still tired, and then with a renewed burst of energy she smacks him hard across the face.]
[ He watches her anxiously, heart in his throat, as she gasps for air she cannot take in, her shaking hand reaching up to cover a red and bruising throat. For a moment he fears the worst, but then her breathing slows and steadies, at long last. She opens her eyes to look at him and Joel can only stare, still frozen in fear and horrible guilt.
When she reaches up to caress his face he doesn't even know how to react, and so he doesn't, staring wide-eyed at her until -
He flinches, the force of the slap snapping his head to the side, and then looks back at her with a relieved grimace. Yeah, he'd deserved that. ]
...Evie.
[ He's a broken record, at this point, but what more can he say? ]
[His voice cracks on the words but she can't rummage up the sympathy, no longer gasping like a hooked fish on the line, but breathing hard and sharp through her nose. Evelyn clears her throat, swallows, works it carefully to determine nothing is broken before easing herself upright.
Her hair spills back over her shoulders in messy ringlets and her hand braces against her bruised flesh once more. She lets him simmer for another long moment.]
Is that what you usually do when a girl tells you that she has feelings for you?
[She inquires, a little scratchy, giving him a guarded look.]
[His gaze dips in an unsatisfactory manner, and one she seeks to command if he is going to wallow the way that she presumes he will.
Having never witnessed Joel in the state in which she just saw him Evelyn is hard-pressed to avoid considering what that could mean for other aspects of who he is. How much he has hidden from her.]
Why would you think me a liar? That I could never- [For a moment she looks prepared to cough, and clears her throat again instead.] -want you? That I was my Mirror?
[ He does, reluctant, but unable to refuse her. He looks tired, hollow, regretting the last few minutes as much as he'd ever regretted anything in his life.
At her question, though, he can barely restrain a scoff of incredulity. ]
Why would I? Are you - are you kiddin'?
[ Of course she's not, though, and he shakes his head. ]
Why would I ever think you could want me? Jesus, Evie, I'm a mess. Look at - look at what I just did t'ya.
[ How could any woman want him, a tired, sad old man like him? Much less someone as beautiful, as confident, as accomplished as Evelyn O'Connell. He shakes his head again. ]
Christ, Evie, I don't deserve you. I never could. We both know that.
[She points out, angrier at her Mirror than him, livid that she got to him first and left things so bitter that he would lash out. In an attempt to protect her, no less, even if he didn't know it was her at all. Evelyn's hands drop into her lap.]
That I wanted you. [I want it to be me.] Even if it was...her.
[Evelyn allows the words to sink in slowly, ice melting on skin, as the elephant in this particular room is obvious to them both. Then she lifts her chin, tipping her head away from him, exposing the thumbprint on her throat. Evelyn glances askance at him.]
[ He says it quietly, barely audible. He hadn't understood his good luck, how everything he'd dreamed of could possibly be coming true like that, but he'd wanted her, had been wanting her, so badly for so long that he'd just accepted it. Decided not to look the gift horse in the mouth. ]
[ He twists up the corner of his mouth bitterly, all too aware of the irony.
Joel looks up at her again, confusion clear on his face. He had apologized, more than once. He doesn't protest, though. She deserves a week of apologies, if that's what she wants. A month. ]
...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was tryin' t'protect you. I didn't know.
Aching. Longing. Lusting. His arms had slipped around her waist so easily when he approached her, the rough scratch of his beard at the juncture between neck and shoulder, the smell of him warm and close and intoxicating. For brief moments Evelyn had scarcely been able to stand for her want of him, held up only by pure will and Joel's steady grasp.
All this is a side of him she has never seen. Anger, yes, and fear - she knows his temper - but the threats he espoused, what he suggested he do to her Mirror regardless of how she treated him...it isn't surprising, so much as it is eye-opening. She appreciates the condolences as he is clearly sincere, but this isn't what she intended.
Evelyn lifts a hand again, fingertips curling over the bruise he left, pointed and deliberate in the gesture.]
He hesitates, looking at her for a long moment, wanting to be sure that he isn't misunderstanding her. That he won't offend her, or scare her. Give her anything she doesn't want. But she doesn't shrink away from him, or shift her eyes away from his gaze, and after a moment Joel nods gravely.
He moves closer, crouching in front of her on his knees, and bends his head to her neck, giving her plenty of time to change her mind and push him away before he presses his lips to her bruised and purpling skin. His kisses are soft, fluttering things, the barest press of his mouth all along the ugly handprint he'd left on her neck, light, feathery touches to skin that he knows is tender and fragile.
[Evelyn's gaze is more challenge than acknowledgment, waiting on him to follow through with a suggestion that might seem absurd in light of the circumstances.
But he prostrates himself, after a fashion: Joel nods with unprecedented seriousness, moving before her, lowering himself. Debasement for the sake of her satisfaction in accepting his bid for forgiveness. She lifts her chin as he leans in and his mouth knocks the breath out of her faster than his hand had only minutes prior. Evelyn had anticipated a single apology but he offers a flurry of them, gentle and careful, sincere.
Her eyes slip shut before she can help it and Evelyn makes a small sound of approbation, taken in by the warmth of his breath and the scrape of his chin. Her fingers travel up again, lingering on her lips.]
[ Joel pulls back when she speaks, only to see her fingers tapping her lips lightly, and he swallows hard, his chest and his pants alike suddenly tight. It can't be this easy. There's no way she's going to forgive him all of that in exchange for a few kisses.
But he'll take this while it lasts. He murmurs in acknowledgement, then reaches for her, gently cradling the back of her head with one hand, fingers sliding through soft hair as he lowers his mouth to hers and kisses her gently. ]
[Evelyn cannot and will not forgive him so easily, but it's a start. Had she met his Mirror and found him an abominable person she would have reacted similarly, if not worse. Not everyone can pick up a person with one hand and shove them against a wall, and that's why she often carries a handgun.
But none of that matters all that much when Joel takes her order seriously instead of protesting, agreeing to the terms without complaint, and Evelyn shivers as his knuckles brush the flesh of her throat before curling into her hair. His hand is warm and wary, so much so that she almost feels guilty for giving him a challenging stare until he can no longer maintain eye contact for the extreme proximity.
Joel kisses her and Evelyn's lips part in response to let out a soft sigh, pressing back ever so slightly. It is sweet, this kiss, and not at all what she expected, though she does not know what she expected in the first place.
Fingers hunting for purchase they twine in his shirt, gently pulling, anxious for what she has craved.]
[ It is impossible not to compare this kiss to the ones he had shared with her Mirror the previous night. She had been passionate, skillful, wanting, and Joel had, at the time, been certain that nothing could ever make him happier.
This is far better.
There is no selfishness in the way Evie pulls at his shirt, no ulterior motives in the press of her lips against his own. He had sensed, last night, that Evelyn was keeping something from him. At the time, he had thought it tantalizingly mysterious. Erotic, and right, that a beautiful woman should have secrets to keep. It had only stirred his lust to greater heights. But now, with Evie, the real Evie, open and vulnerable beside him, trusting him even after he had hurt her, unabashedly eager for him...
His heart floods with warmth, nearly extinguishing his guilt, and he bends towards her when she tugs at him, deepening the kiss. ]
[There is selfishness in her desire for him, certainly, and selfishness is not something in which Evelyn indulges all that often. She needs it now and again to remind herself why rewards of this nature are so precious and fleeting, she needs him to return the favour before it feels as though he is no longer interested, having already metaphorically walked in her metaphorical garden.
Joel does not disappoint, urged by her gentle tugging and he leans into her. His fingers span the nape of her neck and Evelyn opens her mouth to him, teeth just catching his lip in encouragement. But the strain of craning forward reminds her of her state and Evelyn's hand crawls up to Joel's throat, curled loosely over his Adam's apple when she pulls away enough to breathe.]
Never touch me like that again. [She whispers, thumb brushing his skin.] Promise me.
[ He doesn't want to stop, but there's no way he can refuse her when she gently pulls away. Joel goes reluctantly, searching her face with a mixture of worry and longing, and at her words, he swallows, mouth suddenly dry and brain full of uncertainty.
What does she mean? Don't threaten me again, don't hurt me? More than understandable, and not something she should even have to ask.
Or is it worse than that?
Never touch me like that again.
Has he blown it already? Is this all he gets, one kiss he'd never deserved before she - justifiably - turns him away forever?
He swallows again, slowly letting his hand fall away from her.
[Evelyn barely allows him the time to finish his sentence before she interrupts with a hasty-]
Good.
[-as he hand skips back up to his cheek, scratchy and warm. There is a discernible fear in Joel's eyes - that he might have done something else, maybe, and that fear is warranted - but she would never be so cruel as to dangle the carrot before presenting one with the stick. The draw to him is too strong now, and she is too insatiable, so much so that Evelyn practically speaks against his mouth, harried and in a rush.]
I know you want to protect me. [A blessing she can give him, if he so desires.] I want that too, but I want you first. Just you.
[ Apparently he hadn't ruined everything after all. Miraculously. He still doesn't understand his luck, even less so now than he had when her Mirror had approached him and he'd decided to take what he was being offered without unnecessary question, but as he had then, he decides the wisest course is to take it.
And hope it doesn't come back to bite him in the ass this time.
He sighs into her mouth, sliding a hand into her hair again, kissing her gently, then leaning his forehead forward to rest against hers. His voice is a low rumble, an implicit promise. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
uncalendula) wrote2017-11-22 01:39 pm
no subject
An honest mistake. Perhaps, but she wishes he had made a mistake with her.]
I can't.
[She finally manages, when he allows her to get a word in edgewise.]
I can't forget about it.
[Feeling vulnerable and raw, too bare standing in the hallway while he remains protected - every staunch English part of her begging for privacy that he will not grant her - Evelyn folds her arms over her chest, turns a little, poised to pace once more. Finally, after a long moment of deliberation, she shakes her head and lowers her voice.]
I can't forget about it because I've wanted it for weeks, Joel. For months. I've- I've wanted you since- I don't remember when.
no subject
He's so busy internally beating himself up, trying to think of some apology that doesn't fall ten miles shy of the mark, that he barely hears what she says next. Much less manages to comprehend it. ]
...what?
[ Slowly, he lifts his head, gazing at her in astonishment and disbelief. ]
You...you what?
no subject
Don't-
[Evelyn steps closer, as much as she can manage while he has her sequestered, trying to maintain serious eye contact and shifting with a brief glance down the corridor. Her voice lowers.]
...please. Let me in. I don't want to talk about it like this.
no subject
But he knows Evelyn too well. Even if he turns her away now, she won't leave. He won't get a moment's peace until he talks to her.
Wordlessly, he steps back, looking away in shame again as he opens the door just wide enough to let her in. ]
no subject
I've imagined it. You coming to me.
[He isn't making eye contact and she doesn't force him to do so.]
Not in the same way that you did, but with intent and purpose still. I've thought about it this past year and never knew if you- if you felt the same, or if you ever would.
no subject
You have, huh.
[ He lifts his eyes, finally, gaze still hooded and wary, but looking at her. ]
You...you've wanted...that? All this time?
[ Weeks, she'd said. Months.
Impossible. ]
no subject
[She says, emphasised with something more sigh than exclamation. Joel's lack of surety is understandable, save for the fact he spent the evening with her - another her. Something he considered so believable then, clearly, and much less so now. Is it the disappointment that restrains him at present? The fear?]
All this- bloody time, Joel, and I cannot say that I'm not disappointed it wasn't me.
[Too often her Mirror has crossed to their side to sow doubt and reap the benefits from those who are looking for succor, or hold affections for her. It only just happened that this time her double got to the man she wanted first. Quieter,]
I want it to be me.
no subject
In the end, he'd decided the reward was worth whatever risk came with it. Worth it, if only for a night, if only to prevent himself from lying awake deep into the night, thinking of what he'd missed out on.
But she hadn't turned into a monster and ripped his throat out at the moment of climax, hadn't turned to mist and slipped from his grasp. She'd been real, and alive, and it had been good...until the next morning. Until he'd gone into the library and Evie had looked at him in confusion and blank incomprehension.
And then she'd followed him. All the way back here, to make some...some love confession. All this time. All this time, and he'd never guessed.
He nods, and steps closer, gaze inscrutable as he searches her face. ]
Well, it's you now. You an' me. But let's get one thing straight first.
[ And in a flash, he has her up against the wall, hand at her throat, lifting her off her feet as he chokes her. ]
That's all you get. You can fuck with me all you want. Lie to me, seduce me. Kill me, I don't care.
But you leave her the fuck outta this. You hear? No more pretendin'. No more playin' at innocence. She ain't done nothin' to you, and if you do anything to hurt her just one more time, one more, I'll kill you myself. You understand?
[ His eyes are hard flint now, glaring intently. This is the Joel who'd twisted a knife into a man's kneecap before snapping his neck, who'd pistol-whipped another and shot his balls off before even giving him a chance to give him the information he'd asked for.
This is Joel protecting someone he loves. ]
Tell me you understand.
no subject
Her heart climbing up into her mouth in anxiety Evelyn hopes against hope as he steps into her atmosphere again and his heat is almost smothering. The hands that fidgeted so uselessly before her don't have the chance to reach for him when he suddenly reaches for her.
Evelyn's head slams against the plaster and the fingers she had wanted so desperately to hold in her own wrap around her throat tightly, sliding her bodily up the wall while she clutches at his wrist for dear life. In her eyes there is nothing but shock - fear, betrayal - while her mouth works soundlessly to speak, his grip squeezing the air from her lungs.]
Jo-
[She scrabbles more frantically, nails digging into the forearm that might as well be solid steel and Evelyn cannot draw a breath for the wheezing, barely hearing his words but understanding the venom behind them.
Her feet kick uselessly and something shifts with a cartilage crunch in her neck and Evelyn wonders if this is what it feels like to be hanged, staring at him-
-the well of a tear preparing to streak down her cheek.]
S'me-
no subject
A tear threatens to spill down her cheek, her hand grasping uselessly at his wrist, and something catches his eye. A shape on her wrist, a star in a circle of flame.
A tattoo. One that hadn't been on the wrist of the women he'd been with the night before.
He loosens his grip, staring in shock. ]
Evie?
[ His eyes wide with dawning horror, he looks back at her, dropping to his knees alongside her as he pulls his hand back and she slumps to the ground. ]
...Evie? Oh, God...
no subject
Breathing shallowly her chin dips toward the ground and her hand shakes as it flutters to the sore mark up under her jaw, red and already turning purple. Joel she barely registers, too concerned with trying to get precious oxygen back inside her, shuddering on the floor.]
no subject
[ Shit, shit, shit, shit. Joel crouches over her, fighting back panic. If she dies now...
No. She can't die. If she does, he'll fucking kill himself. ]
I - I'm sorry - Evie, c'mon, honey.
[ With shaking hands he catches her before her head can hit the floor, pulling her half into his lap and rubbing uselessly at her arms, pushing her hair back from her face. ]
I'm sorry - Evie, please, just - just c'mon now, just breathe, please -
c:
A minute or two of just breathing, quietly, while the world spins back to solid ground and her throat's only protest is that it aches, a dull throb in the back of her mind. Her head lolls to one side and she opens her eyes again, getting an eyeful of Joel's bearded jaw, his terrified face.
Serves him bloody right.
Evelyn reaches up with a shaky hand, slipping her fingers over the cheek closest to her, rough hair and angular features. For a moment she lets it sit, still tired, and then with a renewed burst of energy she smacks him hard across the face.]
no subject
When she reaches up to caress his face he doesn't even know how to react, and so he doesn't, staring wide-eyed at her until -
He flinches, the force of the slap snapping his head to the side, and then looks back at her with a relieved grimace. Yeah, he'd deserved that. ]
...Evie.
[ He's a broken record, at this point, but what more can he say? ]
I'm sorry.
no subject
Her hair spills back over her shoulders in messy ringlets and her hand braces against her bruised flesh once more. She lets him simmer for another long moment.]
Is that what you usually do when a girl tells you that she has feelings for you?
[She inquires, a little scratchy, giving him a guarded look.]
Throttle her?
no subject
He drops his eyes, ashamed, not wanting to look at how shaken and weak she is. At her hand gingerly set against her tender neck. ]
...No, ma'am.
[ "Not usually," he wants to add, but the joke dies long before it reaches his lips. This isn't a laughing matter. ]
no subject
[His gaze dips in an unsatisfactory manner, and one she seeks to command if he is going to wallow the way that she presumes he will.
Having never witnessed Joel in the state in which she just saw him Evelyn is hard-pressed to avoid considering what that could mean for other aspects of who he is. How much he has hidden from her.]
Why would you think me a liar? That I could never- [For a moment she looks prepared to cough, and clears her throat again instead.] -want you? That I was my Mirror?
no subject
At her question, though, he can barely restrain a scoff of incredulity. ]
Why would I? Are you - are you kiddin'?
[ Of course she's not, though, and he shakes his head. ]
Why would I ever think you could want me? Jesus, Evie, I'm a mess. Look at - look at what I just did t'ya.
[ How could any woman want him, a tired, sad old man like him? Much less someone as beautiful, as confident, as accomplished as Evelyn O'Connell. He shakes his head again. ]
Christ, Evie, I don't deserve you. I never could. We both know that.
no subject
[She points out, angrier at her Mirror than him, livid that she got to him first and left things so bitter that he would lash out. In an attempt to protect her, no less, even if he didn't know it was her at all. Evelyn's hands drop into her lap.]
That I wanted you. [I want it to be me.] Even if it was...her.
[Evelyn allows the words to sink in slowly, ice melting on skin, as the elephant in this particular room is obvious to them both. Then she lifts her chin, tipping her head away from him, exposing the thumbprint on her throat. Evelyn glances askance at him.]
I want you to apologise.
no subject
[ He says it quietly, barely audible. He hadn't understood his good luck, how everything he'd dreamed of could possibly be coming true like that, but he'd wanted her, had been wanting her, so badly for so long that he'd just accepted it. Decided not to look the gift horse in the mouth. ]
An' then...today...I didn't wanna be fooled again. Didn't wanna hurt you.
[ He twists up the corner of his mouth bitterly, all too aware of the irony.
Joel looks up at her again, confusion clear on his face. He had apologized, more than once. He doesn't protest, though. She deserves a week of apologies, if that's what she wants. A month. ]
...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was tryin' t'protect you. I didn't know.
no subject
Aching. Longing. Lusting. His arms had slipped around her waist so easily when he approached her, the rough scratch of his beard at the juncture between neck and shoulder, the smell of him warm and close and intoxicating. For brief moments Evelyn had scarcely been able to stand for her want of him, held up only by pure will and Joel's steady grasp.
All this is a side of him she has never seen. Anger, yes, and fear - she knows his temper - but the threats he espoused, what he suggested he do to her Mirror regardless of how she treated him...it isn't surprising, so much as it is eye-opening. She appreciates the condolences as he is clearly sincere, but this isn't what she intended.
Evelyn lifts a hand again, fingertips curling over the bruise he left, pointed and deliberate in the gesture.]
I want you to apologise here.
no subject
He hesitates, looking at her for a long moment, wanting to be sure that he isn't misunderstanding her. That he won't offend her, or scare her. Give her anything she doesn't want. But she doesn't shrink away from him, or shift her eyes away from his gaze, and after a moment Joel nods gravely.
He moves closer, crouching in front of her on his knees, and bends his head to her neck, giving her plenty of time to change her mind and push him away before he presses his lips to her bruised and purpling skin. His kisses are soft, fluttering things, the barest press of his mouth all along the ugly handprint he'd left on her neck, light, feathery touches to skin that he knows is tender and fragile.
He won't hurt her. Not again. ]
no subject
But he prostrates himself, after a fashion: Joel nods with unprecedented seriousness, moving before her, lowering himself. Debasement for the sake of her satisfaction in accepting his bid for forgiveness. She lifts her chin as he leans in and his mouth knocks the breath out of her faster than his hand had only minutes prior. Evelyn had anticipated a single apology but he offers a flurry of them, gentle and careful, sincere.
Her eyes slip shut before she can help it and Evelyn makes a small sound of approbation, taken in by the warmth of his breath and the scrape of his chin. Her fingers travel up again, lingering on her lips.]
Here.
no subject
But he'll take this while it lasts. He murmurs in acknowledgement, then reaches for her, gently cradling the back of her head with one hand, fingers sliding through soft hair as he lowers his mouth to hers and kisses her gently. ]
no subject
But none of that matters all that much when Joel takes her order seriously instead of protesting, agreeing to the terms without complaint, and Evelyn shivers as his knuckles brush the flesh of her throat before curling into her hair. His hand is warm and wary, so much so that she almost feels guilty for giving him a challenging stare until he can no longer maintain eye contact for the extreme proximity.
Joel kisses her and Evelyn's lips part in response to let out a soft sigh, pressing back ever so slightly. It is sweet, this kiss, and not at all what she expected, though she does not know what she expected in the first place.
Fingers hunting for purchase they twine in his shirt, gently pulling, anxious for what she has craved.]
no subject
This is far better.
There is no selfishness in the way Evie pulls at his shirt, no ulterior motives in the press of her lips against his own. He had sensed, last night, that Evelyn was keeping something from him. At the time, he had thought it tantalizingly mysterious. Erotic, and right, that a beautiful woman should have secrets to keep. It had only stirred his lust to greater heights. But now, with Evie, the real Evie, open and vulnerable beside him, trusting him even after he had hurt her, unabashedly eager for him...
His heart floods with warmth, nearly extinguishing his guilt, and he bends towards her when she tugs at him, deepening the kiss. ]
no subject
Joel does not disappoint, urged by her gentle tugging and he leans into her. His fingers span the nape of her neck and Evelyn opens her mouth to him, teeth just catching his lip in encouragement. But the strain of craning forward reminds her of her state and Evelyn's hand crawls up to Joel's throat, curled loosely over his Adam's apple when she pulls away enough to breathe.]
Never touch me like that again. [She whispers, thumb brushing his skin.] Promise me.
no subject
What does she mean? Don't threaten me again, don't hurt me? More than understandable, and not something she should even have to ask.
Or is it worse than that?
Never touch me like that again.
Has he blown it already? Is this all he gets, one kiss he'd never deserved before she - justifiably - turns him away forever?
He swallows again, slowly letting his hand fall away from her.
Just in case. ]
I swear, Evie.
I promise.
no subject
Good.
[-as he hand skips back up to his cheek, scratchy and warm. There is a discernible fear in Joel's eyes - that he might have done something else, maybe, and that fear is warranted - but she would never be so cruel as to dangle the carrot before presenting one with the stick. The draw to him is too strong now, and she is too insatiable, so much so that Evelyn practically speaks against his mouth, harried and in a rush.]
I know you want to protect me. [A blessing she can give him, if he so desires.] I want that too, but I want you first. Just you.
no subject
And hope it doesn't come back to bite him in the ass this time.
He sighs into her mouth, sliding a hand into her hair again, kissing her gently, then leaning his forehead forward to rest against hers. His voice is a low rumble, an implicit promise. ]
Tell me what you want, an' I'll give it.